Georgia Governor Brian Kemp (R) proudly announced a new statewide Diversity in Massacres program, aimed at widening the color spectrum of mass shooting victims in his state. Kemp, elected governor by way of mass voter suppression, heralded the initiative, calling it the first of the kind in the nation. “Well, at least formally,” Kemp clarified, “there are certainly a few grassroots efforts as well, but this is a chance for our great state of Georgia to lead the nation.”
Kemp, speaking comfortably as a white person sitting in a well policed building, praised the novel approach of the Atlanta gunman. The white shooter killed six Asian women, as well as two people whose skin he wanted to shoot a little less. A 911 call recorded him replying “Why not, while I’m here?” to a white person’s plea to live, before a series of three loud pops ended the conversation.
“While I and the Lieutenant Governor are sad that we are merely 14th place in gun deaths per capita, we feel that our Diversity in Massacres program will open up new opportunities to people who hate Cubans, Asians, and, of course, Arabs. We had a slow year in 2020, but we’re ready to pursue this new plan with guns blazin’!”
Six Asian women were unavailable for comment.